I neever want a daughter

[NewbieChris]

having a sister is hard enough. Shes 16 and is finally becoming interested in boys. :fight: She rows crew and has been doing so with a new boathouse this summer. She apparently met a boy and he came to family dinner with my Moms family last night. :disagree::disagree: She was in Canada rowing with him last week and told me when she got home Sunday that she liked him. :pissed: Well, he shows up and I'm extraordinarily over protective. I have to say, he surprised me. Had great manners and seemed as dedicated to school as she is.

When he leaves my Mom says to me, you have to talk to her about this. I was mildly confused. I'm thinking, she isn't going to have sex because I know her well enough. She doesn't smoke or drink with all her rowing buddies, and she'd rather be at a church retreat than high school party. Though, I had an idea of what I thought might be wrong.

I'm going to clarify this next part by saying, this is the reason for this thread. I was surprised by my Mothers attitude. Ty was black and my Mother is concerned that my sister will be judged. Judged by other people in our community. She doesn't think my sister understand there are complexities to dating inter racially. My problem is, I have no idea how to talk to my sister about this. We were raised pretty liberally and we were taught to be blind to the color of peoples skin, their sexual orientation, everything. I told my Mom I couldn't tell my sister that it was a problem, I thought it would be hypocritical.

I'm kind of stuck on what to do. I'm also really confused because of my Moms attitude. I just don't get it, shes sending her mixed signals and it pisses me off.

[COLOSSUS]

I FEEL YA!

i dont want a daughter either man. well maybe just one. but the rest boys. im creating an army!

[Bouncer]

having a sister is hard enough. Shes 16 and is finally becoming interested in boys. :fight: She rows crew and has been doing so with a new boathouse this summer. She apparently met a boy and he came to family dinner with my Moms family last night. :disagree::disagree: She was in Canada rowing with him last week and told me when she got home Sunday that she liked him. :pissed: Well, he shows up and I'm extraordinarily over protective. I have to say, he surprised me. Had great manners and seemed as dedicated to school as she is.

When he leaves my Mom says to me, you have to talk to her about this. I was mildly confused. I'm thinking, she isn't going to have sex because I know her well enough. She doesn't smoke or drink with all her rowing buddies, and she'd rather be at a church retreat than high school party. Though, I had an idea of what I thought might be wrong.

I'm going to clarify this next part by saying, this is the reason for this thread. I was surprised by my Mothers attitude. Ty was black and my Mother is concerned that my sister will be judged. Judged by other people in our community. She doesn't think my sister understand there are complexities to dating inter racially. My problem is, I have no idea how to talk to my sister about this. We were raised pretty liberally and we were taught to be blind to the color of peoples skin, their sexual orientation, everything. I told my Mom I couldn't tell my sister that it was a problem, I thought it would be hypocritical.

I'm kind of stuck on what to do. I'm also really confused because of my Moms attitude. I just don't get it, shes sending her mixed signals and it pisses me off.

so mom raised you not to look at the color of peoples skin until a blacky comes home with the daughter and all the sudden mom can see the color very clearly. :rofl:

not sure what you should do. personally i think you should stay out of it.

[Mr I]

Well at first I was tempted to post porn images with some lame statement loosely pertaining to you sister. But you do actually pose a fairly intrecate and sensitive, but altogether natural question.

I'm expecting Shibby will come in here to help but its kind of sifficult to empathise unless your in a similar situation. I'm white as is my family and have two older sisters, the eldest 6 years my senoir and even though I'm the youngest and the only boy with my parents splitting early I was the only guy in the house so I'm feelin ya on this one.

Your sister is an individual and will do what she wants to do, thats that out of the way, accept it.

Where she is open to positive influence I would say that yes she should be prepared that people do judge on the company you keep and at first sight (as a young white middle class male) yes it does give an initial impression seeing a white girl with a black guy. So there I said it flame me if you will, am I a racist no I don't think so not in the nasty sense, is my opinion based off past experience and society and media, yes probably.

Having said that, within seconds of meeting a couple anyone would know if he had respect for her and if she and he were a decent sort.

I don't see anything wrong in saying to her "... seems like a nice enough guy and I'm not worried because I know your a wise girl and you know by now how society can judge, as your bro all I'm concerned about is that whoever you date treats you right."

that way you told her without it being too patronising,

Now if you say that the wrong time of month you know what you can expect from most girls, "fuck you I wanna date him, your trying..., your just... blah blah but said in the right way it shoukld be fine.

End o the day though its up to her and if he's a nice guy and not a bum which it don't sound like he is then its cool, but yeah society does judge, its natural and it can have an effect.

[Mr I]

PS I'd take a daughetr, one thing with daughters, they stay in touch with their family

[the art of war]

That's a tough situation - let me tell you bro, blood is blood - I would just be open and upfront with her about the fact that she's 16 and something you won't understand fully at that age. I think the only way you can change a society that would judge your sister (as your mother views it) is by showing them what a bunch of ignorant fucks they are.

bottom line, it could be worse, she could've fallen for me. :D

[mofo]

hmm. here is an issue that has come up in my family. my uncle is currently dating this girl who is white. my family is pretty liberal with him, considering he's on his own and is like 30-something. my family said they don't mind what he does as long as he keeps it away from the family, but they also said if he ends up marrying her, they'll be 100% supportive. basically my family is against dating. :rolleyes:

but honestly, you should just play a neutral role. if i was in your situation, i'd just sit her down and say "hey, uhm, mom's uneasy about this whole boy situation." this way, your sister will know why your mom is uneasy when she brings him up or over. but then, if you're supportive, let her know. just don't pick sides (mom vs. sister). ultimately, it is a hard decision for someone in your sister's position when her mom and brother, both assumingly influential in her life, are taking different sides on an issue that's very personal. and this way, it'll open a door for her to get your advice in her future relationships as well.

as for the not wanting a daughter, mr. incredible has a point, they do tend to keep in touch with family but it all depends on their relationship with their parents.

[FitnessBrat]

I don't think it will necessarily change anything - at this point at least. She's young, she will probably have to "experience" it for herself to decide if it is "worth" it or not. If your mother raised you to not see color, it's too late to go back now and say "but...."

[the art of war]

I don't think it will necessarily change anything - at this point at least. She's young, she will probably have to "experience" it for herself to decide if it is "worth" it or not. If your mother raised you to not see color, it's too late to go back now and say "but...."

bump, I think that at 16 the best thing is to just say what you said here to her. She's old enough to understand that the world isn't perfect and these sort of situations happen. Be honest with her bro, it's family and it's a delicate issue. That's exactly when you need to be that big brother and let her know how it is outside of what she is seeing / going thru. Hope it turns out well.

[decadecadeca]

You and your family can be as liberal and accepting as you want, but your sister needs to realize that she WILL be judged in the real world outside the safety net of her family.

Is that right? Nope.

Is it going to change? Nope

And she also needs to learn now that some of the people she thinks are so accepting and open minded will show their true colors when it comes down to something like this. She will learn quickly who her real friends are, for better or worse.

So just be honest and tell her she's making a choice that will most likely bring her some amount of struggle and pain, but it will be a learning experience and you'll be there for her along the way.

[NewbieChris]

so mom raised you not to look at the color of peoples skin until a blacky comes home with the daughter and all the sudden mom can see the color very clearly. :rofl:

Thats what kills me. Shes basically lied to us, I feel like. I can see why she feels the way she does, but I was always taught not to care. I mean, for fucks sake, I am so liberal with my definition of what is macho because of her.

[Bouncer]

Thats what kills me. Shes basically lied to us, I feel like. I can see why she feels the way she does, but I was always taught not to care. I mean, for fucks sake, I am so liberal with my definition of what is macho because of her.

do as i say and not as i do type thing. just do what you think is right bro. if mom wants to talk to her then fine.

[NewbieChris]

Does anyone have first hand experience with this?

[Mr I]

Does anyone have first hand experience with this?

what exactly? sister going out with a black guy?

[the art of war]

Chris, just talk to her honestly bro, how can you go wrong with that? Sugar coating this world just does not work, just like FB said she will have to learn it w/experience but the more you tell her the more she will be able to handle the reality of it. Plus you will be there for her, you're blood.