HELP WITH GIRLFRIEND!!!!anyone

[diplomats]

ok this is the situation i find my self in. I have been going out with my girlffriend for about 3 years and in those three years i have not spent quality time with her, cuz of gym , studies and work. There were time that i would not call her for a month and then she would call me but i would not take time to talk to her. She just started talking to one of her close guy friends for about 2 months and he recently told her that he wants to be more than a friend to her and she says that she told him that i was her first choice and that if i were to ever wanted to pick up were me and her left off that she would choose that to her guy friend. She just moved to her own apartment yesterday and i have been trying to call her since she would not answer her phone or nothing and then i texted her but still notin. i then found out where the apartment is and drove by there yesterday only to find the her guy friends car outside parked next to hers. she told me last week that he got kicked out of his parents house.

I am loosing her i know it and it hurts verrryyy bad, because i just figured out that i am madly in love with this girl and i will do anything to get her back. please i need help on how to go about this i do no want to loose her.

[bad14u]

Go over with flowers and tell her just what you told us!

[Shibby]

Sounds to me like she was letting you down easy. To make it seem that she chose him, because you were unavailable. I would make sure that you are in love with her now and not jelous. Don't take the term jelous as a bad thing. We all have a bit of it in us. It's in our nature to find what makes us comfortable and keep it. Now your loosing a piece of that and there are some unknowns. It's normal to be scared of what you don't know. It's hard to see someone else close thier past before you close yours. That's just survival of the fitest. You feel uncomfortable not knowing why she is happy and you are not. But there probably is no answer that will give closer. So before you comit your life to "winning" her over, make sure you are ready now to comit your life to a meaningful and dedicated relationship. Make sure you are able to comit yourself to her and her needs, and not just have her around when you need her.

[diplomats]

thanks for the prompt reply. I plan on doing just that is there anything else i can give to her along with the flowers.

[diplomats]

Originally posted by Shibby
Sounds to me like she was letting you down easy. To make it seem that she chose him, because you were unavailable. I would make sure that you are in love with her now and not jelous. Don't take the term jelous as a bad thing. We all have a bit of it in us. It's in our nature to find what makes us comfortable and keep it. Now your loosing a piece of that and there are some unknowns. It's normal to be scared of what you don't know. It's hard to see someone else close thier past before you close yours. That's just survival of the fitest. You feel uncomfortable not knowing why she is happy and you are not. But there probably is no answer that will give closer. So before you comit your life to "winning" her over, make sure you are ready now to comit your life to a meaningful and dedicated relationship. Make sure you are able to comit yourself to her and her needs, and not just have her around when you need her.

thanks a bunch shibby. I am in love with her and i know it. I havent slept all night, i was up thinking of her and now i see how bad it hurts to know that someone you love is slipping away from you. It like i want to turn back time and fix everything. she gave me anything i wanted and was willing to do anything for me as long as i asked, she is highly supportive also. Jeez what the hell was i thinking.

[diplomats]

Oh and SHIBBY she did mention that i was never there when she needed me but her guy friend was always there no matter what. She also told me that when he told her that he wanted to be more than a friend to her, that she wished that was me expressing how i felt to her.

[diplomats]

I am going to take flowers to her everyday, for as long as it takes her to reconsider.

[diplomats]

please does anybody else have any input to this sitution.

[Shibby]

It still sounds like you have time, but not much. If she has known this guy friend longer than you, there will be a level of comfort and trust with him that won't be there with you. You have to show her that you have something more to offer than comfort. Help her tap into that love for you. Do something charaistic of yourself. I wouldn't just come right off and be spontaniously thoughtful (like giving flowers right when you see her). It will kind of look like a thing of the moment and not that you are thinking long term. You are going to need to keep it as comfortable as possibe and really talk to her. Let her hear how commited you are to doing things right. Then as the discussion is going the way you like, do something charastic of yourself. Make her see why she loved you. Go to eat, to your favorite hang out, whatever is something you two would normaly do when the feelings were strong. You could even have the flowers in the car waiting. This shows that you care alot, but not trying to "trick" her, for lack of a better word at this moment.

[imonboardtoo]

Some god advice here already. Don't need anything fancy or expensive. Just tell her how you fell, let her know you know you haven't treated her right, and if she really feels the way she said, she'll come around.

[diplomats]

i am going to go to her job because i cant go to her house because her guy friends is staying there with her. So do you think that i should go to her job? she works at an adult daycare.

[diplomats]

Originally posted by imonboardtoo
Some god advice here already. Don't need anything fancy or expensive. Just tell her how you fell, let her know you know you haven't treated her right, and if she really feels the way she said, she'll come around.

thanks for the advise

[Shibby]

Originally posted by diplomats
i am going to go to her job because i cant go to her house because her guy friends is staying there with her. So do you think that i should go to her job? she works at an adult daycare.

I'm not sure what an adult day care is, but I don't think it matters where you go as long as you make sure it's ok for you to be there to talk to her. Don't just show up. Blindsided her is only going to distract her from what you have to say. Show her the respect and willingness to let her make the decission. You want her to be prepared and relaxed enough to talk. She won't be comfortable letting her feelings and emotions out if she's not ready. It's not going to be an easy, so any added pressure could make the whole thing blow up in your face.

[pierced one]

Originally posted by Shibby
I'm not sure what an adult day care is, but I don't think it matters where you go as long as you make sure it's ok for you to be there to talk to her. Don't just show up. Blindsided her is only going to distract her from what you have to say. Show her the respect and willingness to let her make the decission. You want her to be prepared and relaxed enough to talk. She won't be comfortable letting her feelings and emotions out if she's not ready. It's not going to be an easy, so any added pressure could make the whole thing blow up in your face.

and if your timing is wrong or any of this is unwanted you could look really despirate or like you are stalking her. step very carefully and very delicatly.

[diplomats]

Thats the thing i do not want to seem like i am stalking her or that i am despirate. how do you mean by step delicatly and carefully.